Quoting Stella Adler, Not Seen (AGAIN), Opportunity at the Last Moment, and a Roof Over My Head?

"It takes three things to make it in this business: the tenacity of a bulldog, the hide of a rhinoceros, and a good home to come home to."
~Stella Adler

She was right.

I went to an audition for the New York Theatre Workshop. Ready to go. Again, there were many of us (of course!), and EMCs and Non-Eqs were not seen. I was somewhat ecstatic when the announcement was made. Not because I didn't have to audition, but because I didn't have to play the waiting game! Waiting in vain. WELL. It was disappointing but like the last EPA, I left my headshot and resume at the front desk. I was 8th on the EMC list. But, the Equity alternate list (by the time I put on my hide of a rhino over my face) was up to 40. Yikes. I am a lucky-unlucky gal.

I really hope these experiences don't turn me into a sado-masochistic, repressed hermit. In which I will dwell (somehwere hopefully with a roof and four walls) in a place where I will let the vines grow, the dirt accumulate, cats gathering (and I don't even like cats because I'm allergic to them. And I'm afraid of them), blah-blah a la "Grey Gardens" or Kim Stanley's dwellings towards the end of her life. I'll end up writing gads of poetry (which I'm known to do in my bouts of inspiration), never sleeping because I'll just want to paint (which I used to do back in 2005-2006, until it got too much, I dried out and went to sleep, and hoped that I would like my work in the morning) all night, dance in a sheer nightgown at 3 in the morn with nothing under, sing every song I know, and shout Shakespeare out to the sea (hopefully, I'll live by the sea. Otherwise, where will I shout Shakespeare?). I'll be gloom and doom, offereing acting classes in my backyard to which I will wear a big hat and Jackie Os, and be named one of the most intriguing people who are unknown. Oh! And in between all that, find time to frolic in the rain and laugh. HA! I think I should stop. I'm having too much fun with this. Spooky...

Alright.

Last night. At about 5.45 my phone rang with a 212-area code. I had this feeling(can't describe, it was a feeling). I wasn't going to answer it but the thought that kept scrolling in my mind's eye was: The Pearl Theatre Company. I didn't want to answer it. I did anyway (there goes doing something I fear for that day=P). Sure enough, it was the assistant to the Artistic Director of The Pearl. At first, it sounded like she was calling to tell me that I was rejected (which would have been appreciated because at least you KNOW) but something inside told me that she was going to make me an offer. She did. They offered me understudy roles in OEDIPUS. I told her that I would love to. She was happy to hear that and then went into the fine print of this deal to which my heart kind of beat in slow motion, and I started to get all self-doubty and questioning myself. She told me that she would email the offer and give me more details, that she wanted me to think about it and call her with my answer the next day (which is today).

In the email, she told me that they also want to offer me an understudy role in NATHAN THE WISE, but that they didn't need an answer straightaway because it was too soo and they want to give me a chance to see if I like and want to be involved further with the company.

I rang up my Ma. Towards the end of our conversation tears were streaming down my face. I rang my Dad and the same thing happened. What's my problem? Well, it's not just one problem. Right now, the major problems (shall I re-phrase that to questions?) are two-fold: Where will I live?; and: I have no money to get a place of my own or even share a place. Mm...the actor's life for me.

I started talking very in-depth with my parents about it as I have never before with them. I believe that's where the tears came from because something is actually happening, this is like skipping 3-steps climbing up the staircase. Whereas, these auditions and callbacks, and rejections and getting cast (having to turn-down) are all moving me forward, step-by-step. Hopefully. Anywaa...then I said, "Isn't this what I came here for?"

Which is true, right? This isn't necessarily the way I had envisioned it but if I end up saying, "No," to this I KNOW I will regret it. But, I believe that God doesn't always send you questions and answers with a familiar face to them. Especially these "answers" that we ask for. We sometimes miss the recognition. Also, Rilke said that we've got to live in the questions and if we are fortunate enough, through that we'll hopefully live in the answer.

Alright.
Enough of that.

I've got an opportunity that any one in my position would want to snatch. And, if you noticed what I wrote, I did. I told her that, "I'd love to." It's just that when my cogs started to turn in this wrinkly mind of mine, I got all weird. And question-y.

My answer, of course, is, "Yes." I will be ringing her in a couple of minutes. I've got to figure out what questions I want and need to ask about this understudy-thing.

It's the classics. This is what I want to do. This is what the Pearl does. The classics. This is what I came here to do. I may not necessarily be on the stage but I'm involved and I'm being given an opportunity that I'd be a damn fool not to take.

Isn't this funny. Ironic? Of course, when I'll be leaving to come back home to California this happens. I will admit to you, however, I thought so. I thought and imagined that it would happen like this. THOUGH, I did have grander illusions. You know, like Broadway. A lead role. A featured role. You know...just that.

So...to any of my friends (I don't really have any in NY but I'll ask anyway), if you have a couch that I can sleep on for the autumn season let me know. I need a roof over my head, four walls, and a good blanket to keep me warm.

Here's a link to The Pearl: http://www.pearltheatre.org/

Currently reading: Changing by Liv Ullmann

...Glow...? and The Pearl

A remarkable thing happened to me during my wind-down after my work-out. I do one more sun salutation before going into final stretches and elongations of my body, then end with a meditation (if you can call it that). As I was coming up from my resting pose, my eyes closed, there came from my mind's eye this bright light. The kind of light that shows up when you've looked into the sun. And then it seemed to halo around my head and for a second, I thought that the room was full of glowing light. I opened my eyes in amazement and almost started to tear up. Which was followed by confusion and seconds of wonder at what just happened. Beats me why I became skeptical. I suppose that's what NY does to you...makes you jaded, cynical and always questioning (though, I was always questioning before I came here!). I also noticed that heat was emanating from my hands and from my orange chakra (when I was back in college in movement class, we did a session working with our chakras. When class ended, one of my classmates said that my green chakra was powerful. At that time, we learned the green chakra was where our sexual organs were. I would NEVER have thought someone would EVER say that to me. It was a shock. I write this because it is the orange chakra which we thought was the green. It is related to emotion, sexuality and creativity. Hm...nice.).

Earlier today, I had an audition at the Pearl Theatre Company for 2 of their shows which will start off their season: OEDIPUS AT COLONUS and NATHAN THE WISE. I auditioned for the Pearl in late March. I did alright. Not bad. Could have done better (as always). This audition went very well and I really was taken with my auditioners. They were kind and supportive. It was an energy and the way I was spoken to. They had me read for Polynices (in OEDIPUS... - yes, Polynices is the BROTHER of Antigone. A female is playing that role) and Rachel (in NATHAN...). They need understudies for both roles. I was pretty nervous going in. I was almost late; I made it by 3 minutes. *whew* Once I got off the train, it was as if an outfit of nerves draped over me. My God. I couldn't walk. I was weak-knee'd. My arms were weak. It was strange. The guy I read with was a good guy. I liked him. He was onstage with me and I felt we were on the same wavelength. That's always nice!

I've discovered it's easier to let go of auditions these days, not completely, but I don't get my hopes up. I'm grounded in my own reality.

I've recounted some of my auditions whilst living here in NY. I think I have all of them, but there may be some that I've missed...or not:

• for a short film (I got a call for this audition as I was waiting for my plane to take me to NY. I auditioned the next evening. I was cast, but I let it go because I didn't have a good energy from the guy. Not that he was a creep...just something)
• for The Shakespeare Theatre of New Jersey (for their tours of A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM and ROMEO & JULIET. And not for roles that you would expect me to auditon for: Titania - what?!!! and Lady Capulet - eh?!!! I did very well at this one and I enjoyed my reader)
• for a management company: Baker Management (I had to read a commercial for Columbo yogurt - GOD! and then I had to do a monologue. I did not prepare because they told I didn't have to. Mistake. This one wasn't a good one. But, I learned, as usual!)
• for Primary Stages Advanced Scene Study (I got in and got a scholarship)
• for HB Studio (I got into the Shakespeare class. After my monologue, the teacher exclaimed a question, "Was that JOAN?!!!" I loved my teacher)
• for The Pearl Theatre Company (it was a general audition in which I performed 2 Joan monologue's: Shakespeare's and Shaw's)
• for WEST SIDE STORY (I didn't get seen. They cut me. Can you believe that? I was so angry, it was a healthy anger where I said to myself, "Where's the next audition? I'm ready.")
• for The Acting Company (I was AWFUL!!! HAHAHA!!!)
• for SPF (The Public Theater's summer festival founded by Arielle Tepper. I didn't get seen and was down about that)
• for EYES FOR CONSUELA (I had a great auditon. I got called-back)
• for THE SEA GULL (I learned a lot from this one, mainly that I could even go bigger. To think...I could have been understudying Nina and Masha, and watching Kristin Scott Thomas from the wings)
• for MARISOL (I performed my newest monologue - which I love - and kicked ass with it. I got called-back)
• for AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY (don't ask. I was awful. But...after that audition I set out to find more earthy monologues for my repertoire)
• for a short film through Metrofilms (the title of the short was, "The Panty Pantry," I did not know that until I got the script at the audition. The script ended up being cutely clever. I kicked major ass in that one and got cast. I had to give it up because of scheduling conflicts)
• for the seasons of The Public Theater, Playwrights Horizons and Second Stage Theatre (I didn't get seen. Poo)
• for the Pearl, again (OEDIPUS AT COLONUS & NATHAN THE WISE)

You know...I've got to be an Olympian in this acting scene. With these auditions, that's how I gotta think. I'm an Olympic auditioner! HA!!!!

Currently reading: FEMALE BRANDO: The Legend of Kim Stanley by Jon Krampner

Guess Who Got Cast? ...

I did!
Guess who had to turn it down?
I did.

Yes. You read that right. I had to turn down a 10-minute short because they will be filming in September/October and I'm leaving for California on the 25th of this month. *bleah*

The director told me that he really wanted me to be part of his short but I had to let it go because ... well ... to put it frankly: I'm not getting paid for it and I have no funds to buy another ticket to fly back to NY and then back to CA. He was kind to say that he would pay for my ticket if he could.

What was nice is that the director told me that they kept going back to me when trying to put the cast together. He kept asking the others with him if it was because I was the first to be seen. But, even at the audition he told me (which is totally weird because MOST OF THE TIME auditioners are very stoic or just hoity-toity, and don't say a word except, Thank you, and the dreaded, Great job) that he was really impressed (which means that they are at the beginning stages of their own careers, as well, because that just doesn't happen) and that he defintely wanted to keep in touch. He said that I came in like a bullet after only just 5-10 minutes of having the script; I had great timing and the emotional range...et cetera and so on and so forth...

The guys kept telling him, "The first girl! We gotta go with the first girl." And every time he watched the tape he kept saying, "She nailed it." So, that makes me feel real good.

But, I had to turn it down. Ha! *ugh*

You know...the feeling I have to start off this week and this month is exactly how I felt my first month in NY back in October/November. This is good.

Real good.

Currently reading: Self-Portrait by Gene Tierney

I auditioned for...

...AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY.

Honestly. The Broadway production.

I fell on my ass. But, that's okay. I'm pissed -- I'm more bummed out, really.

It's okay because I'm always learning from my auditions. Especially in the last year or so.

I went in with a piece that I was/am passionate about. It just fizzled out. I'm a horrible auditioner but that's not an excuse because there have been auditions in which I've knocked it out of the room and then back again.

I'm examining what happened today. Not asking that dreaded question, "Why"? but more, "What can I do for the NEXT time. The next lucky/blessed opportunity?"

The past few weeks I've had 4 auditions (2 that were very good and 1 that was alright, and 1 that bombed -- HA!), and 2 callbacks (both of which were very good). What I noticed was the 2 that were good and bombed...were for Broadway shows (THE SEAGULL and AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY).

Interesting...

So, let me leave you with 2 scenes from the show (I found this video on Steppenwolf's myspace page).
Enjoy. Really. I always do.

I can't WAIT for the NEXT Rejection!!! It's another step on that ladder (and it's a LONG 'n' HIGH one). All it's doing is bringing me a little closer each time.

Bring it.

Career Updates

*A couple of weeks ago, on a Saturday morning, I found myself in Westwood to audition for a short at UCLA. Luckily, it was on a week-end because this gal would not have found a parking space and I'm not one for paying for parking just for an audition! Honestly. I parked on the side, right across the street from the campus and in front of some rich looking houses with 3 cars in the driveway and who knows how many in the garage! I got there early. Way early. I went in around 9.30a. Found the room and sat myself down on the chairs that were sitting outside the room. I hemmed and hawed a couple of times, discreetly, to indirectly let the people inside the classroom know that there was a chick waiting outside for them. The director came out. Invited me in. I took a seat. He said that there were going to film the audition but at the last minute decided not to. He asked if I had any questions about the script. No. All he had me do was read a question found on the GRE exam. That was it! Simple. Of course(!), I stumbled on a word (or two, but who's counting?). Then, he had me read another exam question. We spoke a little bit before we got started and a tadbit afterwards. There was another guy with him, it was his friend helping him out. That was it and I was on my way back home. I felt good about it. He sent me the script prior to my audition. It's about a guy bored out of his mind in this GRE Testing class; a girl comes in and he takes notice. Before she came in, he wanted the class to end as quickly as possible. After she arrived (late), he perked up and wanted the class to run on forever. Short and sweet.

I got cast in that role and finished filming on Sunday morn. The shoot was fun and refreshing. I really liked all the people that were involved. It's one of the extension classes at UCLA and the whole class helps with all the directors' projects. I liked the camaraderie between the classmates. They were very kind to me. I think, perhaps, some didn't know how to act around me so they were shy but that's understandable. I'm that way as well. Who really warmed me up was their instructor. He was actually there for the filming and "supervising." I say, "supervising," because he really wasn't, he was just there to lend his presence to his students. He came up to me and another actor that was playing the lead guy and asked us if were the leads. And I just chatted it up with him. There was another actor who played the teacher. The director's classmates ended up being the extra students he needed to fill the classroom. It was a successful shoot. I loved that there was food and drink. Bread and coffee (among other snacks and beverages)!!! Yummy! Though, I only drank coffee.

I can't wait to see the final cut. It'll be interesting how the director plays with the time. Hopefully, I'm not too-ugly in this one!!!

*The next day, I had another audition for a UCLA short but this time the audition was held in Beverly Hills. In the director's home. Yikes! I went, anyway, because I didn't get my usual vibe of paranoia. Honestly. Plus, in his email to me, he was pretty funny about the whole "at my house" thing and said that he lived with his parents. Sold! Ha! So, I ventured to Beverly Hills. Before the audition, he sent me his script and I liked it. He wanted me to read for the lead and also the psychotic girlfriend. Which brings me to the question: "What's up with my headshot that makes people think I'm a killer?" Hm...This is the 3rd role in which I got called to read for a killer. If you'd like to look at my headshot that I use to see if you can figure it out, let me know and I'll send it to you. But, hey...that headshots been getting me auditions for the gamut of roles! So, I'm gonna fermer ma bouche (shut up).

When I arrived, his mother answered the door. She offered me a cup of coffee and I acutally said, "Yes." I never do. Well, I spoke with her for a bit waiting for the director to come home from his haircut. He arrived and set up, straightaway. Of course, there was the regular chit-chat and so forth. He told me that he has a degree in law and that he was also taking the night class at UCLA. I asked if he knew the other director. Nope. Before, we started the audition, he asked if he could ask me something about his script. It had to do with the ending. I told him that if he stayed with his ending that it would be a more positive, sunny spin. But, if he were to go the other direction, then he'd be able to build on that with another film and take his lead girl onto another journey. It was more dark the latter way. He lit up and said, Oh! I never thought of that." He seemed to be pleased. What's funny is when I told a good friend about that, he said, "Well, now he should cast you! You just handed him his next project!" Ha! The audition went very well. And I ended my stay there by asking his mother what kind of coffee she gave me! Ha!

I got an email from him asking me to come to a callback for the lead. At the first audition, he told me that he wanted a certain look for the lead girl. If the other guys were Asian, then he'd want a white chick. If not, then he'd want someone like me. To fill the spectrum of race. So that it's not only an "Asian" flick. Understandable. He also asked me if he could pass my headshot and resume around to his classmates. Now, that was flattering! So, the callback. It went well. I'd change one thing. He said that he liked the way I did it before and wasn't gonna tape me but we did it anyway and I wish I could have done it better. I wasn't there. Well, he told me that he'd get in contact with me about the role the next day.

I didn't get cast in that one. I wasn't disappointed but I was. And it was because of the "look" thing. To which I'd like to say: Is someone really gonna tell you not to be friends with your friends because you don't look like you could be friends? But, that's not what it was about. He wanted a cast that would appeal to all races and that's why I didn't get the role because he already had enough Asians! But, I had a good experience with him and enjoyed it very much.

*Last Friday, I had my first of 2 readings for Cecilia Fannon's students. It was very fun! The play was called THE HIVE by Paula Fell. The characters were all bees! No joke. It was so clever and a joy to read. I got the part of the lead who is enthusiastic, immature, prejudicial and has a heart of gold. Wow. It was also a very fun group of actors to read with. I really liked the differences of the bees, the roller coaster of emotions and the changes that happen within some of the characters.

*On Saturday, I went to an open class with a very good friend. It would be nice to take his class for the work and also to build networking but I didn't sign up for an interview because I'm just not wanting to dish out the money. I was inspired and mad, reinforced and harshly reminded, which is all so good! Mad because I want to be out there and act. And, I know, that pleasure tends to get lost with "working" actors but I would have to have some outlet to provide me with artistic pleasure. And, yes, taking a class does do that. My friend was inpsired and mad, as well. Right after he said, "We're going to Sam French and we're getting a play that we've never read and we're gonna work!!!" And, so we did. I was happily shocked at his attitude. Even during the open class, we were talking about having a class of our own? Why the hell not? And I told him, all we would need is space.

We were also making fun of the teacher, not because he was bad but because he reminded us of one of our friends combined with Tom Cruise in Magnolia and Vincent Lombardi. Honestly. He's one of those guys that knows he's a good teacher and that knowledge lends itself to arrogance. He's a confident guy and I enjoyed his class, as did my friend.

I wanted to cry afterwards because I realized that I do have so much to offer and to give, and I need to be used up. It wasn't really a realization because I do already know that but it was a forced reminder, I guess I should say.

One last thing, when we were in the lobby area, the teacher came out and greeted us. I felt like he wanted something from us. Not money but more like he knew who we were and wanted to be part of our world/our energy. Does that sound gey? I just felt that he wanted something from us. As if he knew that we'd be valuable to have in his class...

*Monday afternoon, I had an audition for a dark short film. All I knew was that the character, Nina, is bold, pretty and a rebel. I brought in my monologue and they wanted me to read from the Pulp Fiction script. I felt uncomfortable, physically. Not because of them or the scenes but something didn't feel right to me. It was a good audition despite that. And the director told me that there were more auditions that afternoon and also the next day. She then asked me if I had a sarcastic, biting monologue for the callback. But, I don't think it's for sure that I have a callback because I haven't gotten an email from her assistant.

One thing that caught me off guard was when the director told me about a scene that will take place after sex. Yeah, didn't know about that because I didn't get a script. Usually, you aren't sent a script beforehand anyway. She asked if I was uncomfortable with that. I told her that I would be unless I was covered up. Listen. Unless, it's Meryl Streep directing me, I'm just not gonna be nude at this time. It really depends. Really Depends. REALLY.DEPENDS. And I would charge thousands of clams for each part I was gonna show! One of my best friends told me that that sounded like prostitution...well...maybe. But, no, because I'm not havin' sex with 'em! Right? Right. I really have to believe in that part of a project to bare it all. I'm tired of these actresses trying to validate nudity in the movies that they've done. Though, I do think perhaps I have a slight prejudice with foreign films. I don't particularly have a problem with nudity in those films, most of the time=) So, unless the film is being directed by Meryl and in Europe somewhere... =PPP

*A couple of hours ago, I auditioned for another short film. The audition was held at the Lee Strasberg Theatre. Ooooooooooooooohhh!!! I was an hour early. Though, I always say better way early to an audition than 5 seconds late. Eh? Let's just say that I whooped major ASS at this audition. Man! I felt so good that I wanted to scream! I had a really good audition partner. We rehearsed 3 times and the 4th time, the producer and the director came out and asked for us to come in. Inside, we found out that there were 2 directors. The one that called us in was filipino. The other director took Marcus aside and I was taken aside by the filipino one. They spoke to us about or characters.

I was sent the sides by one of the directors. I studied them, memorized them enough to be comfortable. But, nothing in the sides prepared me for what the diretor would tell me and that was, "She killed her boss before coming to the park and feeding the cats." What?!! Wow. Whoa! Wait a minute!!! Now, this is the 4th role in which I'm a killer! LOL! That took me by surprise but didn't phase me. I could still play what I was playing. I took the scene and made the choice of covering up her pain with bits of smiles and laughter towards the other character. I did the "Chekhov-thing" of covering up and layering. I made a lasagna with my acting, pretty much.

So, Marcus and I performed. The waterworks did not fail me. Praise Jesus! The thing is with crying in acting...you can't think of that result. It's too much pressure and not very good to be thinking, "Okay, I have to cry in the next couple of lines, in the next couple of seconds." I just need things to be authentic. I can't stress out about emotion. I give to and take from my partner. You never know what's going to happen. What's important to me is that I've done my homework, I'm prepared and when I get to the audition, to the theatre, to the set...I will be open and receptive and truthful. Well, they liked it but they wanted me to not smile and laugh. Pretty much, they didn't want my Chekhov acting. The other director said things about this girl being devasted and it was the end of her life, all that jazz (and I knew that). The filipino director said that he totally got it and really liked the choices I made but both wanted me to take out the covering up business. They went back and forth for a couple of sentences and finally I just said, "Well, I wanted to play the oppposite." But, I will do what you guys want me to do. I won't smile." And then, the filipino director said to me, "But, maybe at the end you can. I like that you did laugh and smile at the end. So, maybe there." Yep. I did it without smiling and I guess it was fine. I felt fine. It was challenging but I did it.

The producer right away came in with, "Will you guys be free for callbacks on Thursday or next week Tuesday?" "Yes." The filipino director asked if I had a comedic monologue. "Yes." "Can you perform it?" "Tonight?" "Yes." "Yes." Uh...yikes!!! I was prepared with a dramatic monologue because that was what the role required. I was not at all prepared with a comedic one, though, I am quite familiar with the one I always use. Which isn't HA-HA funny but more subtle, sweet, chuckling funny. I went back out into the lobby area. Tried to run the lines in my head, went outside and I just couldn't remember. The filipino director came outside to call me in asked if I was ready. "Yes." LOL! I totally screwed up the monologue. It was awful! LOL! Mais, c'est la vie, eh? The director asked how long I could stay, if I could stay longer and I said that I could. The producer jumped in and said that they still had others to see, and this one girl was running late, &c. So, he asked if I was available for the callbacks and I told him that I was. And that was that...

I did. I WHOOPED MAJOR ASS. Sure did.

*Tonight, will be my second reading with Cecilia's students. I can't wait! I'm not the lead in this one but who cares! I love reading for her students. They're very gifted writers and I've enjoyed all the times that I was part of their readings. Whether it be a whole play or just scenes.

*Oh, last thing...that film that one of my best friends recommended me for? The one where I had to leave my baby at the front of the church... Well, I got totally dropped from that one. And in such a horribly unprofessional way that I took a stand and wrote the director a letter. He never responded back. GUILTY. AND! AND! He had the AUDACITY to go up to my best friend and try to talk to her about me. She stopped him and said, "Uh-uh. No. She is my best friend. You keep that business away from me." That's right! Sadly, though, she called me a couple of weeks ago about the filming process and jazz. She had such a terrible experience and wasted so much time. She became very discouraged and disheartened. She told me that she was glad that I was off the film.

*le whew* I've written too much. I'm a chatter-box. Hm...what do you call a person who writes too much? A typing-whore? Meh...

Okay, I now leave you with Kiri Te Kanawa in Puccini's MANON LESCAUT singing the last few minutes of, "Sola, Perduta, Abbandonata." By the buy, the reason I looked up this song was because it played in the beginning of the scene that I had to audition with at the Lee Strasberg Theatre. I'm such a nerd. I wanted to know how it went. I listened to Maria Callas' version of it. Big-time nerd over here.

Career Updates

*After I came back from Hawaii, I had an audition that day for TWELFTH NIGHT. Yeah. Heard NOTHING from them. Damn! I really wanted to be Viola or even Olivia. But, I need to be Viola sooner or later. I forgot my first line (but not really, I knew what it was but it wasn't registering in my mind as my first line. How strange is that?). I was really nervous, too. But, I shouldn't have been. I believe it was because I had just gotten off the plane 12 hours prior and had to wait at the airport an extra hour or so for our luggage, also I hadn't eaten a thing, and I didn't really "rehearse" my monologue. Hm...but I was prepared. Doesn't sound like it, eh? They preferred a monologue from TWELFTH NIGHT. I didn't want to do anything of Viola's or Olivia's because I wanted to be "fresh" and different so I performed a speech by Fabian. I played the role in college. They seemed to like it. I guess not! *le bleah*

*The gig where I was exempt from the audition is no longer in production due to the other actress who did not want to drive all the way to the location. She dropped a day before we were to shoot.

*I had to drop out of the short film that I got through the recommendation of my good friend because I had planned on being out of town (forever, perhaps) but plans fell through when the apartment(s) I had counted on were taken away from me. I rang the director up straightaway and told him the situation and he told me that he still wanted me to be part of the film BUT he had to put me on tape to send to his casting director (since after I had told him I wouldn't be able to be part of the film he needed to find a good Asian actress that could cry and hired a CD to find one, but quick). He also wanted me to watch the tapes of the auditioners. I had to watch all the Asian girls vying for the role that was mine. I also watched other actors auditioning for other roles in the film. I watched a couple that I really liked. I'm horrible at auditioning (I think). So, we'll see if I'm even still truly part of this short film as the young woman that leaves her baby at the front door of a church. Hopefully, the casting director will be cool with me. If not, well...

*I had an audition for an all-female production of HENRY V. The director really liked me and wanted me at his callback but there was a condition: I had to already accept being in the play without knowing what parts he wanted me to read for. I was to blindly accept. What is with these offers I'm getting and having to blindly accept??? I felt rather odd having to blindly accept any role he would offer me upfront without even knowing what I was being considered for until I got to the callback. I rang him the next morning and told him my truth. I also said that the only role that I was eyeballing was Henry. I would have taken Katherine of France if this was going to be a "normal" production. Henry is the role that I for sure know would challenge me and make me sweat and bleed and feel like a failure.

*The playwrighting teacher I met at SCR emailed me and offered me a bit role in the project that she is doing for the Bowers Museum. I accepted. The short plays will be done radio-style. There are 3 short plays. I'll be in 2 of them, she told me. I will play, Thoth, an Egyptian mummy that comes back to life, I believe. She said that the role was probably a page of lines out of 14 pages. And the other role is of a Haitian Voodoo Woman in which I have 3 lines, I think. She told me the best thing about it is the exposure. But, I don't really mind. I've always wanted to be part of whatever projects she were to have. I adore the woman. For her, I would blindly accept anything. The end of October is when it'll go up.

*I've been keeping in contact with a director from NY whom I met when I submitted for his project that was casting in Paris. He told me that he was going to be in LA to cast another part of his film and that he would be interested in seeing me in August. We've kept in touch and in the coming weeks, I will hear from him (I hope). He sent me a clip of his work that was uploaded on YouTube and I really liked what I saw.

*I had to let go of my agent. It was a very scary thing but I did it and she was/is very supportive of me.

**
I think that's all.

Oh! Nope. I lied...

This does not even include some of the stuff I did BEFORE leaving for Hawaii. Here's what I can remember:

*A USC grad student cast me in his short film. BUT, when he sent me the script! Don't get me started. It was f'awful (the "f" in "f'awful" stands for...you know=)! First of all, I hated the role. Second of all, the girl needed cleavage. I don't have that. I never will. The thing is, if I liked the script, the cleavage thing would have NOT mattered to me. Mm.

*A UCLA grad student cast me in his short film. It was a very interesting script and I was all about doing it. BUT, my paranoia got the better of me. The location was very shady. I was to leave my car in a parking lot and get picked up by some or one of the crew members to the location. Maybe I was wrong, but still... I'm a big girl. I can drive myself and find parking (however long it takes...that's why you leave EARLY).

*I got an email from a producer in France. They wanted me to audition for their short film being filmed on location in Paris! All travel expenses paid! Yeah! They said I could just send a video/link/whatever to them of 2 scenes of my choosing from their script. I really liked the script. I rehearsed and was ready to film. No equipment, horrible lighting...nothing fell into place for me. And it was such short notice that I got. What an opportunity, though! Oh, to be in Paris!

*Not only do I, as a whole person get rejected BUT even my HAIR gets rejected! Ha! I went to a Bumble & Bumble "hair" call. The casting director was an hour late. I was the second one there. The CD was very cool and hip. She seemed to really like my hair ("You've got great hair!") but OBVIOUSLY not enough to cast me.

*There was a TV Pilot that needed a quirky Asian. I'm not really quirky (or am I?) but I got a ring from the director and he wanted to see me. I went and sucked. Not really. But...Ha! I'm tellin' you! It was for an untitled Paparazzi project. I liked the script. I didn't really like the character from my moral standpoint (but I always have to put that aside...HELLO!) but I wouldn't have minded getting cast.

*Right after that audition, I had an audition for a play. The guy said he put it up Off-Off-Off-Broadway (I mean, what does that mean? Long Island? The Jersey Shore? South Carolina? The outskirts of LA-county?) and he told me that he used to teach at Columbia. I kicked major ass in that audition and I thought he liked me. It seemed like he was going to keep in contact with me (as we were emailing back and forth after the audition). Yeah. No word. I know what you're thinking, "*EW*! What a jerk!" (If you're not, you should be=P) It's okay. I'm trying to get over communication! HA!

*A week before I left, there was another short film I went to audition for (I posted the rejection a couple of posts ago=). I REALLY wanted to be part of that. I felt like it was very Chabrol-esque. For true. A girl has a crush on a co-worker, he asks her if she could paint a portrait for him for his ... wait for it ... girlfriend, girl is crushed but says she will do it, girlfriend is dropped off by him to get her portrait done, girlfriend is gorgeous, girlfriend is murdered by girl! *le whew* The way it's being done is so... I would have loved to have been cast in it. The murder is not shown at all. The beginning is very ambiguous and then all the pieces of the puzzle come together! Yes and Yikes!

*The day before I left, I auditioned for yet another short film. I read with a guy that looked SO young. But, our audition together was fine. I just remember thinking: "Oh, my GOD! I feel so much older." I don't mind. It's just a strange feeling like I'm between the ages of 75 to older-than-dirt! Ah-hah! Really. Oh-la-la.

*I auditioned for a production of ROMEO & JULIET. I Know I Whooped major ass at that audition. A teacher of mine was there to help with casting. At first, I didn't like it but when we got together at the end of the week, she was able to give me feedback and the director's feelings towards me. They really liked me and were very impressed. They told her that my handle on the language was very impressive. They liked my command, understanding and presence. Yet, they didn't cast me. I mean, what are you gonna do? I would be a Very different Juliet. I must admit, with all my reservations about the role, I'd like to tackle it one day because I know it would be a challenge for me and all my world-weariness! HA! It was a very good audition. Right after I had finished my monologue, the director for R&J asked, "Do you have any Juliet for us?" (Thank GOD (!) my teacher told me to prepare a Juliet.) And I beamed, proudly, at them, "Yes, I do!" I didn't do the obvious choices. I did one that I could learn fast and get it over with! Short and sweet. That's how it should be. This audition was rather cathartic for me. I was so elated that I think I almost brokedown...or did I almost throw up? Maybe both! That audition felt so good.

*My agent got me an audition (after I told her about it) for Shakespeare Festival/LA's A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM. They needed a Helena. Mm. I was told to prepare 2 monologues. When I got there, I did them and the director asked me to sing. *ugh* I sang. Now, I can sing. I just freak out when I actually have to for an audition! Ha! I would be a Great Helena AND Hermia! ;)

**
It seems like I've been very busy. Nope. It just seems that way. I spend so much time on the damn road than at these auditons! As any LA-actor is all too-familiar with and will tell you. I need to be auditioning for theatre but as you can see, I've mostly been auditioning for short films. I don't mind. I'd just like there to be an equal amount of both. To be honest, I don't think LA is for me. I just don't have the "look," I guess, as people say. In truth, I don't have the feeling for it!!! I'm starting to think that, like community theatre, LA doesn't like me! Maybe I should stop putting myself down? I really need to pick up my French, again (from the beginning because, sadly, I've forgotten EVERYTHING), and get beyond conversational so that I can move to France, and make European films and act on the Paris stage! And right after I learn French...Italian, German and Spanish are next. Maybe even Russian! =)

I'm also spending too much time watching foreign films and playing in the devil's playground (meaning, the computer).

I Must really focus on getting myself a "regular" job so that I can save up clams-clams-clams and be on my way-way-way. (I've got a few prospects. Hopefully, I haven't jinxed myself by mentioning them ahead of time. I ALWAYS do that! Damn! Oh, well...)

NOTHING is impossible.
I can do ANYTHING (that is...except: Prostitution, Boxing, Politics, "Dancing" and Porn ;P).

I now leave you with a scene from, "Les Biches."