What's Up?!! with Gymnastics and Jenn Stuczynski's Coach?

The Olympic Committee needs to meet up again and fix the rules for gymnastics scoring. Nastia was tied with the Chinese gymnast, Kexin He, in the uneven bars individual standing. Tied for the gold, mind you. But, because of RULES in gymnastics...you can't have 2 gymnasts winning gold. What?!!! Let me shout that one out again,

WHAT?!!!??!!

And, and, AND...they took away the perfect 10 score? Huh?!!! Uh...why?

There should have been 2 bright, smiling ladies on that gold podium: Kexin and Nastia. Nastia's program, though, was superior, I believe. But, away from that, they shoulda BOTH been up there.

Even when Marta Karolyi (Bela's wife) was explaining the scoring and the tie-breaking rules to both Nastia and her father...I was still confused! Even when the commentators explained...I was scrunching my forehead. Even when things seemed to be clearer in my head about the scoring...I was wanting to slap the Australian judge! Ha! But, not many things are judged objectively these days. It's all subject.

Get it straight for the next Games, Olympic Committee! Don't be robbing future athletes.

And, now...for the coach of pole vaulting silver-medalist, Jenn Stuczynksi. If I were the people standing next to him, I would have DECKED him. No doubt in my mind. How dare he talk to her in that way. He was so defensive with her, so angry. He couldn't even look her in the eye and was holding on to his Blackberry the whole time he was chastising her.

Coach! Your girl won the silver! Shut the hell up and be proud.

I Hate douchbag, ass-wipes like that. She needs to get a new coach.

Three Cheers for you, Jenn! You placed in the Olympic games against Yelena Isinbayeva of Russia (who broke her own world record!) who was the gold-medalist the last Olympics.

Jipped at the Olympics, the Emotional Bela and a Post-Script

What the hey-ho? What was up with the judges for the women's vault? Alicia should have gotten atleast bronze and she ends up in that awful place of 4th?!!!

What?!!

And how much do I adore Bela Karolyi? I've always loved him and having him choke up while in reaction of ghastly sadness about Alicia? He was so choked up that I finally let my tears out for Alicia.

C'mon!!!

Alicia hit her vaults. Tiny steps on her landings. But, I'm sorry...did she fall out of bounds? No. Did she almost land on her knees? No. Did she ever put her hands down on the mat when she landed? NO.

And who did? China and Korea. I have had great support for China in gymnastics. They were amazing in the team performances. But, HELLO! I understand the start values of their vaults were high BUT there were some obvious mistakes those girls made. Mm-mm-mm.

I don't get it.

But, let me give *three cheers* to Oksana competing for Germany (not her native Russia). That woman is 33-years-old. Hello! She had gold and was knocked down to silver after Korea went (and made her mistakes. Mm...).

PS I love Shawn Johnson. I wish she won the gold for her floor exercise. She's adorable (I mean that in a great way...because I know what it feels like to always be called, "cute," *ugh*) and illuminating.

One More Thing About the Torres That is Dara...

I was watching her on NBC. She was giving an interview and I loved her honesty. She said that she was disappointed. She's a competitive person, so, of course she would be. And she was saying, Thank God, that what happened to Cavic against Phelps 2 nights ago had never happened to her. She added with, maybe she had jinxed herself. She's supreme, man.

Wouldn't it be aMAYzing if she came back for the London games? *whew*

She's got a great spirit.

Here's an article on Dara done last year in November:
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/meet-dara-torres

I Love Dara Torres

"Don't put an age limit on your dreams."

What an amazing woman she is. I remember looking at photos of her in Olympics special magazines in Olympics years past. What an inspiration. 41-one-years old? Get out! 11 Olympic medals? Missing 2 Olympics and then coming back this year? C'mon!!! She's got a kid? And she chats her competitors and her teammates off like a 16-year-old school girl! She's great.

Last night, she showed sportsmanship. The kind of sportsmanship that is worthy of the Olympics. One of the swimmers (I believe the one from Sweden) had ripped her suit and went to put on a new one right before the semi for the 50m freestyle. Dara went over to one of the refs (is that what they're called? Beats me) and told her about what was going on with the Swedish swimmer. Lane 2 was empty. Dara then went to splash herself on the side, went back to her place, and let every one know that things would be okay and to calm down, that they just had to wait a couple of minutes for the Swedish swimmer to get her suit on.

With all that that COULD HAVE marred her focus, she pulled out to be first place in that semi to secure a place in the final in which she won silver. She almost had the gold. She needed that Phelps miracle.

I know what that feels like, on the minutest of levels. I played basketball for 6 1/2 years. Was MVP for 3 years and Most Inspirational for 1. I'm very competitive and hate to lose. There were games where my team would lose by 1 point to which I would have rather lost by 20. It was always hard to swallow but you always continue on. But, I can only imagine (yet, perhaps not) what kind of disappointment one must feel in the Olympics when they are so close to gold.

BUT, that does not take away anything at all from one competing in the Olympic Games. They are one of hundreds of the greatest athletes in the world. Amazing.

I love the summer Olympics. I always have. There's nothing like it. The intensity of the demands made on these spectacular individuals; physically, mentally, emotionally. Mm-mm-mm. The strain, the pressure, the Want. These athletes have an objective and they will do what it takes (hopefully, legally) to win.

I love it. I'm inspired not only by the ones who win gold, silver, bronze; but by the personal stories, the people behind the athletes, the sportsmanship, the teamanship, the Great support. NEVER have I not cried during the Olympics. Never.

Quoting Stella Adler, Not Seen (AGAIN), Opportunity at the Last Moment, and a Roof Over My Head?

"It takes three things to make it in this business: the tenacity of a bulldog, the hide of a rhinoceros, and a good home to come home to."
~Stella Adler

She was right.

I went to an audition for the New York Theatre Workshop. Ready to go. Again, there were many of us (of course!), and EMCs and Non-Eqs were not seen. I was somewhat ecstatic when the announcement was made. Not because I didn't have to audition, but because I didn't have to play the waiting game! Waiting in vain. WELL. It was disappointing but like the last EPA, I left my headshot and resume at the front desk. I was 8th on the EMC list. But, the Equity alternate list (by the time I put on my hide of a rhino over my face) was up to 40. Yikes. I am a lucky-unlucky gal.

I really hope these experiences don't turn me into a sado-masochistic, repressed hermit. In which I will dwell (somehwere hopefully with a roof and four walls) in a place where I will let the vines grow, the dirt accumulate, cats gathering (and I don't even like cats because I'm allergic to them. And I'm afraid of them), blah-blah a la "Grey Gardens" or Kim Stanley's dwellings towards the end of her life. I'll end up writing gads of poetry (which I'm known to do in my bouts of inspiration), never sleeping because I'll just want to paint (which I used to do back in 2005-2006, until it got too much, I dried out and went to sleep, and hoped that I would like my work in the morning) all night, dance in a sheer nightgown at 3 in the morn with nothing under, sing every song I know, and shout Shakespeare out to the sea (hopefully, I'll live by the sea. Otherwise, where will I shout Shakespeare?). I'll be gloom and doom, offereing acting classes in my backyard to which I will wear a big hat and Jackie Os, and be named one of the most intriguing people who are unknown. Oh! And in between all that, find time to frolic in the rain and laugh. HA! I think I should stop. I'm having too much fun with this. Spooky...

Alright.

Last night. At about 5.45 my phone rang with a 212-area code. I had this feeling(can't describe, it was a feeling). I wasn't going to answer it but the thought that kept scrolling in my mind's eye was: The Pearl Theatre Company. I didn't want to answer it. I did anyway (there goes doing something I fear for that day=P). Sure enough, it was the assistant to the Artistic Director of The Pearl. At first, it sounded like she was calling to tell me that I was rejected (which would have been appreciated because at least you KNOW) but something inside told me that she was going to make me an offer. She did. They offered me understudy roles in OEDIPUS. I told her that I would love to. She was happy to hear that and then went into the fine print of this deal to which my heart kind of beat in slow motion, and I started to get all self-doubty and questioning myself. She told me that she would email the offer and give me more details, that she wanted me to think about it and call her with my answer the next day (which is today).

In the email, she told me that they also want to offer me an understudy role in NATHAN THE WISE, but that they didn't need an answer straightaway because it was too soo and they want to give me a chance to see if I like and want to be involved further with the company.

I rang up my Ma. Towards the end of our conversation tears were streaming down my face. I rang my Dad and the same thing happened. What's my problem? Well, it's not just one problem. Right now, the major problems (shall I re-phrase that to questions?) are two-fold: Where will I live?; and: I have no money to get a place of my own or even share a place. Mm...the actor's life for me.

I started talking very in-depth with my parents about it as I have never before with them. I believe that's where the tears came from because something is actually happening, this is like skipping 3-steps climbing up the staircase. Whereas, these auditions and callbacks, and rejections and getting cast (having to turn-down) are all moving me forward, step-by-step. Hopefully. Anywaa...then I said, "Isn't this what I came here for?"

Which is true, right? This isn't necessarily the way I had envisioned it but if I end up saying, "No," to this I KNOW I will regret it. But, I believe that God doesn't always send you questions and answers with a familiar face to them. Especially these "answers" that we ask for. We sometimes miss the recognition. Also, Rilke said that we've got to live in the questions and if we are fortunate enough, through that we'll hopefully live in the answer.

Alright.
Enough of that.

I've got an opportunity that any one in my position would want to snatch. And, if you noticed what I wrote, I did. I told her that, "I'd love to." It's just that when my cogs started to turn in this wrinkly mind of mine, I got all weird. And question-y.

My answer, of course, is, "Yes." I will be ringing her in a couple of minutes. I've got to figure out what questions I want and need to ask about this understudy-thing.

It's the classics. This is what I want to do. This is what the Pearl does. The classics. This is what I came here to do. I may not necessarily be on the stage but I'm involved and I'm being given an opportunity that I'd be a damn fool not to take.

Isn't this funny. Ironic? Of course, when I'll be leaving to come back home to California this happens. I will admit to you, however, I thought so. I thought and imagined that it would happen like this. THOUGH, I did have grander illusions. You know, like Broadway. A lead role. A featured role. You know...just that.

So...to any of my friends (I don't really have any in NY but I'll ask anyway), if you have a couch that I can sleep on for the autumn season let me know. I need a roof over my head, four walls, and a good blanket to keep me warm.

Here's a link to The Pearl: http://www.pearltheatre.org/

Currently reading: Changing by Liv Ullmann

A Question, a Long Side Note, Singing Live, and a Warning

Susan Sarandon was on, "Regis and Kelly," a few minutes ago. -side note- Do you know how wonderful it is not to have to get up this morning and work at the museum? 9-5 sucks when you don't love what you are doing. My last day working at the Met was Saturday. It was bittersweet. I won't miss the job or the money (what money?!!!). I will miss, terribly, those that I worked with (not all of them); from my supervisors (who are tremendous work-horses and I never resented anything they gave me to do) to the women that worked in the next shops over (they were all beautiful to me). - Man! That was a LONG side note, eh? - Emily Proctor (who is a great actress. I first watched her on one of my favorite shows, "The West Wing") mentioned Susan as being a great inspiration and motivation. Emily sited an interview that Susan gave for some psychology magazine and she said something to this effect: Either you retreat from the world, or you expand into it.

That's great! Isn't that great?

So, the question for all of us today is: Are you a retreater or an expander?

After Susan's interview, the Jonas Brothers performed. If their fans read this next comment by me, they'll probably hunt me down and burn me at the stake, but I will say it anyway: The Jonas Brothers are AWFUL live.

This is the second time I've watched them on live TV. First time was on, "Dancing with the Stars," where they performed a great song by a-ha, "Take on Me." I really like that song. They were...eh. The vocals just aren't strong to me.

You know, maybe they're tired. They're voices are shot. They're some busy boys I can imagine. I just haven't seen a great live performance that's all. Maybe if I were a fan it would be different...? I'm not a fan.

To be honest, I can't really stand the images of celebrities today. Mostly the "young-set." Hopefully, they see themselves when they look in the mirror. If not...the mind is a fragile thing. It's powerful and vulnerable at the same time. They must be careful.

Anywaa...

If you forgot the question for today here it is, once again:
Are you a retreater or an expander?

Currently reading: FEMALE BRANDO: The Legend of Kim Stanley by Jon Krampner

...Glow...? and The Pearl

A remarkable thing happened to me during my wind-down after my work-out. I do one more sun salutation before going into final stretches and elongations of my body, then end with a meditation (if you can call it that). As I was coming up from my resting pose, my eyes closed, there came from my mind's eye this bright light. The kind of light that shows up when you've looked into the sun. And then it seemed to halo around my head and for a second, I thought that the room was full of glowing light. I opened my eyes in amazement and almost started to tear up. Which was followed by confusion and seconds of wonder at what just happened. Beats me why I became skeptical. I suppose that's what NY does to you...makes you jaded, cynical and always questioning (though, I was always questioning before I came here!). I also noticed that heat was emanating from my hands and from my orange chakra (when I was back in college in movement class, we did a session working with our chakras. When class ended, one of my classmates said that my green chakra was powerful. At that time, we learned the green chakra was where our sexual organs were. I would NEVER have thought someone would EVER say that to me. It was a shock. I write this because it is the orange chakra which we thought was the green. It is related to emotion, sexuality and creativity. Hm...nice.).

Earlier today, I had an audition at the Pearl Theatre Company for 2 of their shows which will start off their season: OEDIPUS AT COLONUS and NATHAN THE WISE. I auditioned for the Pearl in late March. I did alright. Not bad. Could have done better (as always). This audition went very well and I really was taken with my auditioners. They were kind and supportive. It was an energy and the way I was spoken to. They had me read for Polynices (in OEDIPUS... - yes, Polynices is the BROTHER of Antigone. A female is playing that role) and Rachel (in NATHAN...). They need understudies for both roles. I was pretty nervous going in. I was almost late; I made it by 3 minutes. *whew* Once I got off the train, it was as if an outfit of nerves draped over me. My God. I couldn't walk. I was weak-knee'd. My arms were weak. It was strange. The guy I read with was a good guy. I liked him. He was onstage with me and I felt we were on the same wavelength. That's always nice!

I've discovered it's easier to let go of auditions these days, not completely, but I don't get my hopes up. I'm grounded in my own reality.

I've recounted some of my auditions whilst living here in NY. I think I have all of them, but there may be some that I've missed...or not:

• for a short film (I got a call for this audition as I was waiting for my plane to take me to NY. I auditioned the next evening. I was cast, but I let it go because I didn't have a good energy from the guy. Not that he was a creep...just something)
• for The Shakespeare Theatre of New Jersey (for their tours of A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM and ROMEO & JULIET. And not for roles that you would expect me to auditon for: Titania - what?!!! and Lady Capulet - eh?!!! I did very well at this one and I enjoyed my reader)
• for a management company: Baker Management (I had to read a commercial for Columbo yogurt - GOD! and then I had to do a monologue. I did not prepare because they told I didn't have to. Mistake. This one wasn't a good one. But, I learned, as usual!)
• for Primary Stages Advanced Scene Study (I got in and got a scholarship)
• for HB Studio (I got into the Shakespeare class. After my monologue, the teacher exclaimed a question, "Was that JOAN?!!!" I loved my teacher)
• for The Pearl Theatre Company (it was a general audition in which I performed 2 Joan monologue's: Shakespeare's and Shaw's)
• for WEST SIDE STORY (I didn't get seen. They cut me. Can you believe that? I was so angry, it was a healthy anger where I said to myself, "Where's the next audition? I'm ready.")
• for The Acting Company (I was AWFUL!!! HAHAHA!!!)
• for SPF (The Public Theater's summer festival founded by Arielle Tepper. I didn't get seen and was down about that)
• for EYES FOR CONSUELA (I had a great auditon. I got called-back)
• for THE SEA GULL (I learned a lot from this one, mainly that I could even go bigger. To think...I could have been understudying Nina and Masha, and watching Kristin Scott Thomas from the wings)
• for MARISOL (I performed my newest monologue - which I love - and kicked ass with it. I got called-back)
• for AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY (don't ask. I was awful. But...after that audition I set out to find more earthy monologues for my repertoire)
• for a short film through Metrofilms (the title of the short was, "The Panty Pantry," I did not know that until I got the script at the audition. The script ended up being cutely clever. I kicked major ass in that one and got cast. I had to give it up because of scheduling conflicts)
• for the seasons of The Public Theater, Playwrights Horizons and Second Stage Theatre (I didn't get seen. Poo)
• for the Pearl, again (OEDIPUS AT COLONUS & NATHAN THE WISE)

You know...I've got to be an Olympian in this acting scene. With these auditions, that's how I gotta think. I'm an Olympic auditioner! HA!!!!

Currently reading: FEMALE BRANDO: The Legend of Kim Stanley by Jon Krampner

Kim Stanley

Exactly 2 years ago today, I wrote an entry about this actress I knew nothing of. Two weeks ago (tomorrow) a co-worker of mine bought me her biography that I've wanted since the title intriguing me at Borders 2 years ago. I'm almost halfway finished. I started it last Friday. I have my issues with the book. But, I won't get into it. Nothing to do with Kim, but more the content that has Nothing to do with Kim that unnerves me.

Anywaa...here is what I wrote in 2006:

LOOK at that face...

That's right folks...don't mess with her!

I am a woman OBSESSED right now. My obsession lies in finding out as much as I can on the actress Kim Stanley. I did not know who this woman was at all (I don't think). Until, I went to the Drama section at the Borders in the Cerritos Town Center a couple of weeks ago. There was a hardback book with a title that intrigued me, FEMALE BRANDO: The Legend of Kim Stanley. Now, I was confusing this actress with Kim Hunter (the one who played Stella opposite Brando in A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE). I kept thinking of Hunter but when I looked at the pictures, they didn't look like her. At all. OBVIOUSLY! HELLO! I'm such an idiot! But, while I was looking through the book and the pictures...I could not think of Hunter's last name. Until, today when I was researching on Stanley. Sheesh!!! Man! I'm gonna have to go and buy the biography. There are a couple of films that I want to buy as well: SEANCE ON A WET AFTERNOON, THE GODDESS, THE THREE SISTERS, FRANCES, &c.

What got me thinking about Kim Stanley, again, after all these weeks was John Garfield. I was flipping channels (as usual) and came upon TCM. They were doing a special on John Garfield and it was at the point where he had to testify during the McCarthy trials and he put himself through a professional suicide. Then it went on to him performing in GOLDEN BOY (which, I believe, Clifford Odets wrote for him) and they showed a clip of him performing it in 1950 (?) on CBS (?) alongside Kim Stanley. And, now, here I am beginning my journey on trying to learn as much as I can on this actress that I know nothing about except that she was a great actress. A great, great actress. A method actress that took the method too seriously, perhaps. Her life is laced with tragedy. She had numerous affairs, 4 failed marriage, some children (3, I believe). She was an alcoholic. There's so much. I'm gonna have to get that book. I want to get the biography! Her film credits are few. Too few. She's had many, many appearances on television, doing live drama. Live. Not taped. She much preferred the theatre. That was her home. Definitely.

Kim Stanley seems very fierce to me. Meticulous and tenacious. Ferocious. Rawrrr.

I wrote a bit more in the entry about my difficulty getting into the skin of the part I was playing at that time, Princess Estrella in LIFE IS A DREAM. I wasn't filming any comfort in her skin, at all. It was a strange discomfort of nothing fitting and it was driving me crazy. I was researching Kim with no end believing that she would help me with Estrella, in some mystical way as it can happen only in the theatre to an actress that is stuck.

Currently reading: FEMALE BRANDO: The Legend of Kim Stanley by Jon Krampner

Bayo Iribhogbe

Bayo is an artist that I met on the street while on my break from work at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

His work moved me. I would NEVER have stopped had his work not punched me in the face (in a good way=). The colors, the atmosphere...I just had to stop and tell him. It turned into a full-fledged conversation where we shared the same outlook and passions. We traded cards (yes! I finally made a business card for myself!) and I hope to keep in touch with him.

He displayed about 3 (or 4?) of his newest pieces. One was titled, Gathering (a splash of my favorite colors to paint in: red, orange and yellow), and Market Scene (blues and white, with a speckle of red deliberately painted on - love to paint in blues and white as well).

Here is his website (you Must more than check it out...you will not regret it):
http://bayostudio.com/

Currently reading: FEMALE BRANDO: The Legend of Kim Stanley by Jon Krampner

Guess Who Got Cast? ...

I did!
Guess who had to turn it down?
I did.

Yes. You read that right. I had to turn down a 10-minute short because they will be filming in September/October and I'm leaving for California on the 25th of this month. *bleah*

The director told me that he really wanted me to be part of his short but I had to let it go because ... well ... to put it frankly: I'm not getting paid for it and I have no funds to buy another ticket to fly back to NY and then back to CA. He was kind to say that he would pay for my ticket if he could.

What was nice is that the director told me that they kept going back to me when trying to put the cast together. He kept asking the others with him if it was because I was the first to be seen. But, even at the audition he told me (which is totally weird because MOST OF THE TIME auditioners are very stoic or just hoity-toity, and don't say a word except, Thank you, and the dreaded, Great job) that he was really impressed (which means that they are at the beginning stages of their own careers, as well, because that just doesn't happen) and that he defintely wanted to keep in touch. He said that I came in like a bullet after only just 5-10 minutes of having the script; I had great timing and the emotional range...et cetera and so on and so forth...

The guys kept telling him, "The first girl! We gotta go with the first girl." And every time he watched the tape he kept saying, "She nailed it." So, that makes me feel real good.

But, I had to turn it down. Ha! *ugh*

You know...the feeling I have to start off this week and this month is exactly how I felt my first month in NY back in October/November. This is good.

Real good.

Currently reading: Self-Portrait by Gene Tierney

"Leave Her To Heaven"

One of my favorite movies. Starring one of the most beautiful actresses I've ever seen on screen. Gene Tierney. Another one of my favorite actresses. It also stars Cornel Wilde, who is dreamy.

Directed by: John M Stahl
Written by: Jo Swerling (based on the novel by Ben Ames Williams)

Currently reading: Self-Portrait by Gene Tierney